Actually, I’m pissed off with pneumonia. It’s carried off at least four people I know. Three of them in Malaysia. The most recent was last week. Not a close friend but someone I saw frequently at his work. He was always delightful and charming. He was off for a few weeks. Then he was dead.
I’m told by his colleagues that he died of pneumonia but I don’t really buy it. I’m sure they don’t either. How many young men die of pneumonia unless they’re immuno-compromised? Surely he died of HIV related pneumonia? But no one is saying HIV. No one will.
Two years ago one of our best friends died almost alone in a provincial hospital. He’d fallen sick on holiday and waited till the very last minute before allowing his partner to tell his family he was ill. He made his doctor swear to hide the truth from them and to put pneumonia on the death certificate, not AIDS.
HIV is the new closet. Even in a liberal Western country, it’s hard enough to come out to your family or work and tell them that you’re gay. It’s even harder in Malaysia. But now some people have to lie not just about their sexuality but also about their health. Or even cause of death.
Quite a few of my friends here are poz. They’ve told me, perhaps because I’m an outsider, but they don’t tell each other. I can understand why people hide it from their families, but it’s a shame they feel they have to hide it from their friends. Perhaps they are afraid we would judge them or even worse, spread gossip.
I wish it were easier for people to be open about this scary disease. If they had the love and support of those around them, people with HIV might stay healthier for longer. Right now, it’s clearly too scary for many to admit they have the virus. How we can make our community more thoughtful and caring in this regard I’m not sure. I think the recent Aids Aware campaign in Malaysia was fantastic because it helped demystify HIV and got people talking about it in practical ways. Making talk about infection and illness ordinary and familiar, may be, paradoxically, the best way forward.
I’d like to thank each one of my HIV+ friends who has come out and told me what’s going on. Guys, I love you, I respect you and I’m here for you. And for those in Malaysia who think I bang on unnecessarily about barebacking and safer sex, think again…people still die of AIDS here, 13,000 to date, whatever else goes on the record.
To our friend who died last week, thanks for always making us feel so welcome and special. Thanks for always taking the time to say hi. We miss you.
Aids aware
Beautiful and poignant.. It takes a lot of guts to come out of the new closet for fear of being judged for their past doings.
ReplyDeleteLet's hope for a cure soon. It's close... Really close but not quite there yet.... there is hope yet.
xoxox
I am pissed of by the denying attitude too....Imagine living in a lie even after death. Why should people be so scared of the truth? It's a taboo if no one talks about it or admit it; it's no big deal if everyone talks about it and face it. Then there's always a way out when one gets support. Either gay or HIV issue, people should not be afraid to face it. Talking of it, then one might get support...and information....and treatment. All those young friends we know that died of the disease are all in deny....and at the end it's too late for treatment. I feel sorry for them. I also feel angry that this kind of stupidity should have happened in the 21st century, when education and technology can easily prevent or elimilate such unnecessary tragedies.
ReplyDeleteProvincial hospital? Sounds like China to me. Hog province one ah in M'sia? heheh..I'm sure u mean district. Or is it State..there's no such thing as a State hospital.. whatever..heheh
ReplyDeleteoops..typo..i mean 'Got province' (talking Manglish) instead of 'Hog province'..heheh
ReplyDeletePicky, picky, picky! You are of course, correct. I should have written 'country hospital' not 'provincial'. But I think the most important part of the sentence was not the type of hospital but that our good friend died of pneumonia in a state of fear and shame.
ReplyDelete