Post by Matt
After reading the 29 Ways Towards an LGBTIQ-Friendly Malaysia (and the World) proposed by Seksuality Merdeka, I thought I'd give an outsiders opinion on what I think should be the first step (and was a disappointing 24th on the 29 ways list) that all LGBTIQ people can take to make this (pipe?) dream come true.
I often hear it said that gay liberation will never happen in Malaysia. That sentiment of resignation has come only from gay Malaysians. The rest of the populace simply makes that assumption. I remind them that in the early days of the gay rights movement people in the West faced a much more daunting challenge than Malaysians today.. Violence and harassment by police were routine and the only press available was the one brave citizens printed themselves.
Now, merely 45 years after the first gay rights march in the USA, the only right left to fight for in most Western democracies is the right to marry. Social networks and blogs mean that now everyone can have their voice heard.
I don't want to diminish the task ahead, nor pretend that many difficult choices don't need to be made. But change can happen here. As a foreigner, all I can do is offer moral support and encouragement to the oppressed peoples of this lovely country, as well as suggest tactics you can employ to speed their liberation.
Firstly it must be widely understood that the fight for sexuality rights is not a gay issue. It is not even a religious issue. It is a universal human right. The freedom to love the person of your choice should be available to everyone. Straight people must be convinced that we are fighting for their rights, their children's rights, their whole family's rights. The opposition will try to fool them that they are protecting families. They are not. They, with all the best intentions, are tearing families apart. They must be called on for their misinformed maltreatment of us all, straights included.
Ask a family man what he would think if his son was to tell him that he was actually left-handed but pretended to be right-handed because he was ashamed to admit he was different. Every family man would say it wouldn't matter: he would offer him support and encouragement to use his left hand for anything he wanted.
Being gay is exactly the same. We know we didn't choose to be this way. Who would choose to be something that the rest of society believes is disgusting?
That first difficult step to change people's perception of sexuality rights is for gay men and women to be seen. By that, I mean coming out of the closet to family and understanding friends. This step is bound to scare most of you but it must be done before any meaningful change on a national level can be achieved. You don't have to tell everyone, the gossip mill is highly effective. Over time, many straight people will have heard that you are gay.
I won't gloss over their potential reactions. Some of you will be shunned and disgraced by people who you thought loved you. Others will be tacitly accepted, though misunderstood. Others still will be surprised by the amount of love and acceptance you receive. Nothing great is ever achieved without great risk and though some will be cut off by some family members, all out and proud gay men and women will gain a new family of people who love and accept you for who you are, not what they want you to be.
That family is the gay fraternity, and we are full of love, kindness, support and genuine affection for the downtrodden and abandoned.
If you are convinced that coming out will result in you being ostracised from your family and friends, get in contact with PFLAG Malaysia or Seksualiti Merdeka on Facebook. They are there to help you through the process. There is a fantastic resource of inspiring stories and information about coming out for Asian gay men at http://www.afdenver.net/comingout.php including a section on stories from Malaysians. For our Malay brothers, resources specific to your situation can be found at http://www.afdenver.net/comingoutmuslim.php
There are many personal reasons why coming out is a positive and fulfilling experience for gay men and women. Before you do it, it scares the hell out of you. After the first time you feel a great rush of excitement and the weight of shame lifts off your shoulders. After you've come out to everyone important in your life you will look back on the process as the best thing you have ever done for yourself, regardless of what consequences ensued.
In terms of a national movement for greater sexuality rights, it is essential that as many of you do so as soon as possible. When straight people process the information that gays are people they know and love, the vast majority of them stop hating. Gays stop being a “THEM” and start being a “WE”.
They will stand up for us in conversations with people who are still hating. They'll read about our issues, some will even join the cause. The process of healing the national hate against gay people can begin. The fact remains that we need informed and enlightened straight people on our side. Opinion polls start to flow in our favour then. Once they do, we can step up for a political solution to hating.
Because out and proud gay Malaysians don't get pushed around. Not by the haters. Not by the bullies. NO WAY!
In a future blog entry I will talk about another difficult step necessary for the liberation of all Malaysians from the tyranny of sexuality oppression. To those of you who are inspired to take the first step, don't worry. All the steps to come are, by comparison, much less frightening.
With love and respect
Matt
