TOOLBOX PHRASES FOR WANNABE BAREBACKERS…

A SURPRISING OFFER

A couple of weeks ago I got clicked by a stunning guy on Gay Romeo. He was tall, handsome and manly. He worked as a model and was, much to my surprise, very keen to meet me. The chat lasted about 40 minutes, messaging back and forth and then, at the point of passing him my address, it all went wrong.

‘Will you raw me?’ he asked. 

It was quite a shock. My position on raw sex on my profile is crystal clear. It says:

1)    Unsafe sex: never

2)    I also write explicitly in my bio that I never bareback

3)    I even draw pictures! I have our very own Underground Soundz safer sex images plastered all over it.

My GR profile is very clear. I even draw pictures!

Some people don’t read, I guess. Or understand pictures. Or care.

Well, chatting online is easy to handle. You can type what you like or just ignore the person. What happens when there’s someone in your bed who wants to bareback (fuck without a condom)?

HOW TO CATCH HIV

Let’s talk about HIV infection for a minute. We all know the theory. If you or your partner are positive:

·      If you simply kiss or jerk off you’re never going to pass or catch HIV.

·      If you suck or get sucked, even to the point of coming, you’re almost never going to pass or catch HIV. There’s a slight chance but it’s tiny.

·      If you fuck or get fucked without a condom, there is a high chance that you or your partner will get infected.

We all know that, don’t we? Nearly all HIV infections in gay men come from barebacking. A small proportion of unlucky guys get infected because the condom breaks. A tiny proportion gets infected from oral sex. So fucking or getting fucked are the riskiest things you can do, even with a condom.

IS BAREBACKING OK?

I’m sorry guys, for the most part, I don’t think it is. There are some situations where you can argue for it but there are only a few. Here’s one recommended in the UK by HIV charities.

·      You and your partner have safer sex and decide you want to go raw. You both test for HIV and happily, you both test negative. You continue to play safe for another 3 months, the time it takes for a recent infection of HIV to show up in the blood, then test again. If both of you are still negative after three months it’s safe for you to play raw, so long as you are both monogamous or, if open, you only play safe with others.

A lot of (HIV) poz guys choose to fuck raw with other poz guys. I’m told that on Gay Romeo, people’s profiles that say safer sex ‘needs discussion’, are often poz guys looking for other poz guyz. It’s a clue!

Research suggests that raw poz to poz sex can get you infected with a different strain of HIV, making your overall condition deteriorate faster than it would have. Many guys accept this risk as a payoff for not having to worry about condoms or their status with their partners.

Poz to poz raw sex is even more risky when one partner is on medication, because there is a risk of infecting your partner with a drug resistant strain of HIV.

Poz to poz raw sex is therefore not a healthy choice at all but it is a choice that two adults with the virus may choose to make and I must respect those of my friends who do it. But whichever way I look at it, poz to neg bareback sex  just seems dumb, wicked or crazy!

So how should you react if someone wants to bareback with you?

(Continued in next post)